The physical symptoms of chronic illness are bad enough, but I believe the emotional and mental issues that go with them are even worse for me. I have lost count of how many times through the years I was told that the lab work “looks normal”. That’s why the symptoms are so important to take into consideration as well. If everything is “normal” than I should feel “normal”…right?
It can be so easy to allow your spirit to be crushed when the answers are not clear, but it is so vital to guard against that. When my body is sick, my mental abilities are severely dampened and my emotions are out of control. I lose perspective and hope starts to fade. I am terrified as I watch myself slowly slip into the darkness of depression. A panic rises up inside of me and my spirit is crushed and defeated. How do I get out of this? In spite of how I feel, there are things that I have come to learn and can do that are not subject to my emotional state.
First, I understand and remind myself that my health controls those kind of emotions. (My sweet husband reminds me of this a lot.) I try to hold on to the times when I felt well and things were on the right track. That is a BIG try….it is so hard to do. I put myself in the midst of people who are in a positive place in their own struggles. They inspire me to rise above and keep going. Next, I dissect where I have been so far. I look at what treatments, etc., worked in the past. What changes can I make to get back to that point? What new issues have cropped up that I can deal with? Finally, and most importantly, I believe God knows where I am and has not left me, even though I may feel like He has. I saw this verse this morning and it renewed hope in me.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Keep pressing on, keep fighting and never give up. The answer is there…it just has to be uncovered. I am really NOT alone.