I’ve been thinking lately about self image. I try not to focus on that because it makes me feel so shallow but the past few days it has weighed heavy in my mind. My doctor added another antibiotic and this one is playing crazy games with my body. I have gained weight, my hair has gone thin and limp and I am now sweating like a 400 pound defensive lineman. Staring at my clothes, thinking I will dress up a little, but since my hair is not cooperating, I settle for the ball cap…….again! Don’t get me wrong. I have some awesome ball caps but for once I’d like to shake things up a bit. Anyway, here I am, a sweaty, oily haired, bloodshot eyed, 45 year old women who looks 7 months pregnant. Lovely….sigh.
So how do I handle this? I find it hard to not focus on my health when the outside is showing every bit of the struggle. We talk about chronic illness being an invisible disease but today, I really wish that were true. My only recourse is to try to focus my mind on a few truths.
One…my husband (bless his heart) still thinks I am beautiful. Are you kidding me? Does he see what I see in the mirror? He does but he sees more than what’s on the outside and I love him for that.
Two…this is temporary! At least I hope so….I’m sure it is, I hope, at least I think it will be… Well, I change my mind according to how the day is going, so I haven’t quite nailed that one down yet.
Three…the most important…God says I am beautiful and loved.
Not only am I beautiful, but I am loved and precious, and special, and have a purpose. The list goes on and on. It doesn’t matter what the mirror says or what the waistline shows, what matters is who He says I am. I am reminded of how people say that a pregnant woman is glowing or someone in love is beaming, basically, what’s inside is shining through their countenance.
Psalm 34:5 Those who looked to Him were radiant…
If I look to the Lord, my focus on my everyday issues will fade, as will frustration, confusion and worry. When someone is at peace it shows in their countenance and that is what the world sees and they are beautiful. It boils down to the definition of beauty and where it stems from. What is on the inside will rise to the surface. The beauty that comes from a heart and spirit at peace and resting in the Lord is the beauty that I want to show. The thick, gorgeous head of hair?? Well maybe someday…